World's Worst Dive Buddies, a non-exhaustive list (part 1)
Updated: Jun 15, 2021
# The deeper deeper deeper buddy
This person is willing to dig in the sand to get deeper than the other divers. If the dive briefing states max 30 meters, you can be sure you'll find them bubbling around narked at
42m. They - but let's face it, it is mostly a male thing - are not sure why they do it. Even when there is nothing to see down there, when they know they'll reduce their dive time radically, they still are inescapably drawn to the deep. If you don't like short dives and long deco, avoid this buddy! You can always try and explain that deeper isn't always better; that 'depth doesn't matter', their ego is telling them different so good luck with it!
# The shadow
Every time you kick you feel they are there, so very very close to you. In fact, you can't really move at all for fear of bumping into them or finning them in the face. Each time you manage to manoeuvre yourself to a more comfortable distance, they skiddle back up nice and close right in your personal space. The dive becomes a form of chase with you wiggling away to more ease of movement and them, like a large wetsuit clad bubbling remora coming back to stick to your side. This practice is most often found with slightly nervous novice divers so a slow and patient explanation during surface interval and reassuring checks and communication during the subsequent dive can usually solve this issue pretty quickly. Communicate !
# The national dive agency one
May it be BSAC, FFESSM , CMAS or other, there will always be divers who are convinced that their dive agency is the only one that actually teaches people how to dive properly. Their proof might be deco diving , cold water diving , dry suit diving or low visibility diving but what is sure is that 'leisure and commercial' agencies like PADI and SSI have no idea, according to them, how to train 'real' divers. You'll often find them with the deeper deeper deeper guy criticising the other divers in a corner during surface interval. Unfortunately, their ego is not always a match for their dive ability so you might have to look out for them, and, who knows, save them...
# The gadget freak
They have got it all: the latest, the coolest, the most expensive. They look like a Christmas tree underwater with all sorts of gizmos dangling from their many D-rings and dog clips. They always have the newest and best thing, fresh off the market. No one can read their dive computer (including themselves, unfortunately) because you need a degree in rocket science to understand all the information it provides. The only issue is that, more often than not, they don't really get a chance to know how to use their many gadgets because they change them so often. Don't be surprised if your buddy struggles with his new and improved DSMB, and, maybe, just pop out your own old one, the one you've been using for years, just in case.
# The scared-of-everything person
You can see this one coming during the briefing. They have already asked 10 questions regarding boat safety, underwater supervision, gear reliability and paled when the dive master mentioned the rare possibility of big shark encounters. This person dives like most people watch horror films, every aspects of diving creates catastrophic scenarios in their head and intense fear. Why they are still doing it is anyone's guess but then again why do we watch horror movies? Be ready for OK checks every 2 minutes, for big vehement head shake and 'no, no' to going through the swim through and going up at 90 bar. Just in case. After all you can never be too safe . Beware this person can also transform into the shadow buddy once underwater.